So you’ve had enough, but still don’t have to guts to tell this in his/her face? iOS app developers are one step ahead of you, as they created an app that sends break-up texts depending on several criteria pertaining to your relationship.
Upon paying $0.99 and installing the app on an iOS device,
cowards users have to make a few selections. First of all, the gender of the soon-to-be-dumped person must be selected. Next, the type of relationship needs to be picked and the options are “Serious” and “Casual”. The final step implies picking the context of the break-up. While some of the options are rather realistic (“I lost interest” & “I found someone else”), others are incredibly hilarious and improbable (“I was eaten by a bear”).
CNET’s Chris Matyszczyk got the BreakUpText app in order to see what its developers are capable of in terms of relationship-ending creativity. Here’s the text returned after selecting the “Serious” relationship option:
“Hi PollyPot, I know you expected to make it to our next anniversary. Maybe beyond, who knows? There was that one night we named our maybe-babies. That was cute. You’re cute. But it’s over between us. We’ve drifted apart. It’s not just your impotency, it really isn’t. And no, this isn’t about that girl at work. It’s us. Ever hear the song Cape Canaveral by Conor Oberst? Of course you haven’t, that was one of our issues. Anyways, we’re like that. A poltergeist love. And I need an exorcism.”
On the other hand, if the casual relationship is selected, the BreakupText app returns the following text:
“Hi, PollyPot, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, huh? I know it’s a cliché but there’s truth in it. You never know who is coming up around the bend. See, after the last time we met up, I ran into my college professor. She was my favorite, just the smartest woman you’ve ever heard talk about the history of the French revolution. Anyways, it turns out she recently divorced, her husband left her for a library sciences professor. Long story short, we’re in love. I know it seems sudden but life is sudden like that, you know? Anyways, best of luck finding your fish.”
In case you’re among the cowards who can’t handle such things face-to-face, you can download the app on the iTunes Store. One of my ex’s could have made use of such an app, that I know for sure.
Ironically enough, I should have filled this post under the DIY (Do It Yourself) category.