Your Facebook Profile Pic: The Truth Hurts

The Facebook profile picture: your face in the weird Online world that is Facebook. It’s something we all take spend a bit of time deciding over, if we’re honest, but have you ever wondered what your friends really think of your latest selection? Below is a selection of 20 common approaches and just a suggestion as to what they might truly say about you.

Update: This post was provided by a guest writer and was aimed for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken personally or offensively. In fact, the writer itself has mentioned that they fit the profile of the “The Body Shot” but has not provided their own picture as example 😉

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The Selfie

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You’re self-absorbed. You think your friends don’t take enough pictures of your lovely face often enough, so you do it for them.

The Exaggerated Pout

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You mistakenly think this is cute and amusing in a self-aware, ironic kind of a way. You may even think sucking your cheeks in and puckering up makes you look good, but you are wrong in quite a big way. You look like a duck.

The Movie Star

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You have a picture of your favourite movie star as your profile picture. They are cool, chic and good looking. You are… not so much.

The Baby Pic

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You have successfully spawned gurgling replicates and want everyone to enjoy your biological success. You are aptly illustrating how these little angels have hijacked your identity, as your Facebook friends swiftly click towards the ‘Hide all posts’ button.

The Office Shot

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You either use your Facebook for dreary business networking or you simply spend your life at work. Your career is very important to you, and your colleagues are like family, until Christmas at least. Then you are very much alone…

The Holiday Snap

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You are, or have been, somewhere hot, sunny and scenic, and you are very pleased with yourself about it. You want everyone to share your good fortune, whether they like it or simply want to beat you senseless with a sun lounger.

The Wedding Day

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You got married fairly recently and it was just a dreamy fairy-tale day of romance, white nylon and drunken uncles. You’d like everyone to know that despite how unpopular you were at school, you made it in the end.

The Fancy Dress Party

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You are just a wild and crazy thing aren’t you? You want everyone to see how much fun you are – like a big ugly child who never grew out of the dressing up box. Party on.

The Nature Shot

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You want people to see you as a thinker; a romantic with a poetic soul of deep and tortured intensity – at one with the spirit of nature and the double rainbow-beauty of life. Instead, people see you as that friend whose name they don’t recognize and whose Facebook picture doesn’t help. *Remove from Friends*

The Studio Shot

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You take yourself a bit too seriously and enjoy your own face enough to pay someone to optimise it with studio lighting, open-casket make-up and some bizarre props. You think you should probably have been a model. Your Facebook friends think otherwise.

The Body Shot

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You’re pretty pleased with your body, but you’re not making any friends by slapping it all over Facebook. Actually, you probably are attracting friends, but there are other networking sites for that kind of thing, thanks.

The Drinking Shot

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You with a drink. Wild times, eh? You’re either 15 years old and it’s still a novelty, or (more likely) you’re 27 and have yet to discover anything more novel than sluicing your guts with tramp juice.

Your Obscure Artwork

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You are so desperately bohemian that your latest artwork is a better reflection of you than a mere photo ever could be. You’d really rather not be associated with the Facebook ‘establishment’, but it’s useful for stalking your more successful friends from art school.

Someone Else’s Obscure Artwork

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You wish you were so desperately bohemian that your latest artwork would be a better reflection of you than a mere photo ever could be. You’d really rather not be associated with the Facebook ‘establishment’, but it’s useful for stalking people who went to art school.

The Hipstamatic

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You want to be that person with obscure artwork as their profile picture. Instead, you and your friends work in dreary offices and make do with trying to be creative on your iPhones.

The Cuddly Couple

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You are just so hopelessly happy with Pookums that you never allow pictures of yourself to be taken without Pookums anymore. Why would you, when Pookums is your whole world? *hurl*

The Car Pose

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You own a mode of transport. It’s as boring as that.

The Jumping Shot

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You! In mid-air!! Leaping like life is one big joyous fun-fest!! You’re the kind of person who would say, “Smile! It might never happen!” despite being living proof that it does, and indeed just has, happened.

The Action Shot

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You’re carving up the slopes, you’re jet-skiing, you’re jumping out of a plane on a BMX made of dynamite. You’re dangerous, you’re wild, you’re a recruitment consultant from Birmingham, but you still succeed in making everyone else feel inadequate.

No Image

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You are either self-conscious, lazy, or have only just caved into pressure from your irritating friends to join the Facebook.