If you’re on Facebook, chances are you’ve been unfriended. But there his someone who can help you get over the pain:
Captain Kirk William Shatner.
Shatner recently offered his advice on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” The show recently held its annual Facebook Unfriend Day, which allowed people to declutter their friends list. But of course, those who found themselves on the receiving end would no doubt go through a grief process.
No stranger to being overdramatic, William Shatner is the perfect choice to help defriended Facebook users make sense of their feelings through this difficult time.
“It happens to everyone, but you never think it can happen to you,” he says, walking into the room of a sad young man staring at his laptop screen. “You’ve been unfriended.”
He then outlines the stages of Facebook unfriending, similar to the stages of grief in psychology.
First comes Denial. “Surely they didn’t unfriend me. I’ve known Dave ever since that … thing.”
Then comes Anger. “Well, I’m not good enough to write on your wall, then screw you!” Shatner says in his trademark hammy acting style. As Eddie Izzard pointed out, it’s not William Shatner you’re seeing, but Captain Kirk playing William Shatner.
Anger leads to depression, of course. “You miss the way you randomly stalked his photo albums at 2 in the morning. You miss the picture of his girlfriend on the beach. In a way, she was,” Kirk-Shatner pauses dramatically, “your girlfriend too.”
But eventually you’ll get over being unfriended and move on to Acceptance. “Use this newfound freedom to better yourself,” such as posting pictures of your dog drinking beer. “Make that bastard Dave rue the day he unfriended you.” Shatner also says that he will never unfriend us. He then walks over to the young man with the laptop, but he seems to have confused Shatner with Mork from “Mork And Mindy.” Shatner’s reply to this is bleeped, but every person with above room-temperature IQ knows what he’s saying.
If you like this, you’ll want to check out the Star Trek Children’s Book, even though it deals with The Next Generation instead of TOS. You’ll also want to hear what he thinks of “Star Wars.”