No Steam Box From Valve

You hear that sound? The one that is akin to 1,000 kittens being deprived of cuddles and a generation of teen boys weeping? Yeah, that’s the sound of my heart breaking and my hopes being shattered.

Not long ago I wrote about how Valve was rumored to be working on hardware, and that a gaming system that many referred to as the “Steam Box”, was in the works. I was so sure of this fact based upon the patents for controllers and the statements that Newell made about needing to create hardware that lives up to their software. Yeah, well, as much as it pains me to say this on so many different levels, I was wrong.

Doug Lombardi, the Valve marketing director, acknowledged that Valve has been toying with biometrics, but that gamers won’t be getting a chance to implement the technology any time soon. And while they are not creating a console, Valve is working on Steam Big Picture Mode UI, which will allow games to play their PC games on their TV. I’ve got a 72” in my basement that is begging for some proper gaming.

Apparently rumors about the Steam Box were based on a box built by Coomer in order to test out Big Picture Mode. Now, before I go any further I have to ask: is anyone else kind of grossed out by the name “Steam Box”? Every time I hear, say or type it I am bombarded with images of some kind of medieval torture contraption filled with horribly steamy smells and dying dreams. Just me? Okay, well, moving on.

Whenever Valve works on a project they will develop a box/console to go along with it for testing purposes. So fellow gamers, it seems we were duped by wishful thinking and a testing box. My life is a lie.