It’s-a me, Mario! Super Mario 64 is truly a classic, appearing regularly in top-10 lists of favorite games. It stands up remarkably well for one of the first 3-dimensional platforms, with just a few control quirks and some annoying camera angles to deal with. What makes it a classic to me is the way the developers went about it, setting numerous goals for each level, requiring you to play through each one multiple times, often with changes. Whether you collect the 70 Stars required to beat the final Bowser level or go all the way and collect all 120, the game has something for casual and hardcore players.
This video takes hardcore to a whole new level, however, blazing all the way through the final Bowser battle in just over five minutes. Impossible, you might think, but it’s very possible with the help of a variety of glitches. The use of these glitches allows one to clip through the levels and jump straight to the boss fights, bypassing the need for stars. The use of these glitches also makes the game look absolutely hilarious and almost nightmare-inducing. Mario scoots along on his butt, gliding backwards up stairs and shooting through solid walls to magically end up in a Bowser battle level. Once there, the bizarre jumping and scooting and near-teleporting continues until Mario is facing Bowser and dispatching him so easily that you almost feel bad for the giant lizard.
In just over five minutes, Mario has put the hurt on Bowser three times and rescued Princess Peach, just a -little- faster than it likely took you or me to collect 70+ stars and reach the endgame. True, playing through the actual levels is ridiculously enjoyable, as is being a completionist by trying to meet every one of the goals, but there’s still something impressive about this speed-run. If someone had asked me how quickly Super Mario 64 could be beaten, I’d wager it’d take at least an hour. I would also be wrong, twenty-fold. For more mind-blowing Nintendo 64 nostalgia, check out the Portable Nintendo 64 or the N64/Z64 Mod.