Peple sometimes make fun of our dear hobby, and we’re ready to fight back: games are a form of art! But there’s art that is not for everyone, you know? Just the same way you wouldn’t watch certain movies or TV Shows around your family, there’s just some games that, while fun on their own, might be quite embarrassing to play in front of our dear mothers.
Now, keep in mind, the idea behind this list is to talk about some modern-ish games, with a real market, not shovelware, Custer’s Revenge and clones/similar games. On the same hand, there’s no point in including Mortal Kombat, Doom, or any games that look too old to be taken seriously, right? On to the list now! Keep your mom away from these titles, otherwise she will think you’re either: a psycho, a rapist, a drug-addict, someone who enjoys violence towards women, or all of the above. Nice combo, there.
1- Manhunt Series
People who don’t know this game might be surprised, but the Grand Theft Auto series is not the most violent game Rockstar has produced. This survival horror/stealth hybrid puts the player in control of a supposedly executed murderer who finds himself alive and decides to attend to some unfinished business. The game rewards the player for the violence displayed, giving bonuses for combos, and gorey additions to each death sequence, which are loooong detailed by themselves.
Mom would say: “Honey, the screams of agony are disrupting my tea”
2- Dead Space Series
What can we say about the series that promoted itself with the slogan “Your Mom Hates Dead Space 2”? The game starts out in Titan, one of Saturn’s moons, and from there, takes the player on a ride where killing the several types of enemies is just the tip of the iceberg. Get ready to face huge acid-spitting beast that could impale you with just one movement. Gore, blood, and body parts flying all over the screen: the perfect combo to make mom freak out.
Mom would say: “The slogan was right”
3- Catherine
Catherine is a fantastic action/puzzle game that deals with adult topics in adult fashion (it’s rated M for a reason!), and throws in a super-natural ingredient. The game, heavily story-driven, tells about a love triangle between the main character, his girlfriend Katherine, and newcomer Catherine in a context where young men have started to die in mysterious circumstances. The game isn’t really explicitly sexual (as in, it’s not “hentai”) but that doesn’t mean it’s SFW.
Mom would say: “Whatever it is you’re doing, take the trash out afterwards. I’m going upstairs.”
4- Chou Aniki
The long running Cho Aniki series consists of side-scrolling shoot-em-ups (sort of like Gradius), but it’s not the mechanic that made them famous. Now, check out that picture and you’ll understand why we included it in this list: the hilarious game aesthetics with almost naked musclemen posing all over the screen has earned Cho Aniki the title of “most homoerotic game ever” by many blogs and publications. The magazine EGM ran a passing comment about how the US was thankfully spared this “homoerotic shooter” (Referring to Cho Aniki for PS1) followed by “Not that there is nothing wrong with a homosexual shooter”. Classy!
Mom would say: “I think it’s time we have a talk, son”
5- Grand Theft Auto Series
It’d be criminal to create a list like this and not include the Grand Theft Auto series. The games have decent stories, but the interesting part is the sandbox aspect of it: you can do basically whatever you want. The game is famous for having players picking up prostitutes, having sex and murdering them, or driving by hoods shooting people in true ‘gangsta’ fashion. The only thing keeping the player in check is their own moral code.
Mom would say: “Son, are you cheating on the previous videogame lady? That’s wrong.”
6- Dead or Alive Xtreme Series
This game has more meat in display than most butcher shops. The Dead or Alive franchise was already known for it’s female fighters, but this spin-off takes it to the extreme: they aren’t even fighting, just providing fan service. Oh, and playing volleyball, we guess. To each their own, but if you want to play this in front of your mom, get ready for some awkward conversation.
Mom would say: “Gender is performed without one being conscious of it, but that does not mean this performativity is “automatic or mechanical”. We have desires that do not originate from our personhood, but rather, from social norms. These girls are slaves. Read some Judith Butler, boy”.
7- Conker’s Bad Fur Day
Ah, Conker’s Bad Fur Day. The game where you control a cute little squirrel with a mouth and end up, at one point, fighting a huge pile of crap (“The Great Mighty Poo”), amongst other… errr, colorful enemies. I guess it’s not worse than watching your standard episode of Ren & Stimpy, but you should know beforehand what you’re getting into.
Mom would say: “Well, at least the music is pretty good. That crap monster sure can sing!”
8- Silent Hill Series
Death, violence, gore, rape, and undead nurses with extremely short skirts (at least in the newer games). It sounds like the perfect combo to make mom freak out, right? As if the game wasn’t explicit enough, there’s a whole bunch of subtle subplots where the player can infer just how sick and insane each character really is. The best survival-horror series ever (although the quality of the most recent titles can be argued) is not for everyone.
Mom would say: “Look at that huge knife. I sure could use one like that in the kitchen”
9- Muscle March
This is one of those games that makes us western-gamers say “Oh, Japan”. This WiiWare title puts one or more players in control of one of the men displayed above, who chase after an American Football to tackle him. In order to keep advancing, the players need to break through walls imitating the pose of the one straight in front of him, as in, to take advantage of the already destroyed human-shape in the wall, and gain distance. Despite the weirdness of the concept, the game can be pretty fun… with friends, once mom is not watching.
Mom would say: “Is that bear wearing a swimsuit?”
10- Boong-Ga, Boong-Ga
This game is exactly what it looks like: an ass-spanking simulator. Get ready to unleash your frustration on characters such as “Ex-Girlfriend”, “Ex-boyfriend”, “gangster”, “Mother In Law”, “Gold-digger”, “Prostitute”, “child molester” and “Con-artist”. The character’s face is displayed in the monitor, where you can also see their reaction after being hit, and get rated on your “sexual behavior”. Be sure to take a long shower afterwards, to wash away the shame of having played this.
Mom would say: “… maybe I should have spanked you more”
To see more gaming related articles/lists, check out 10 Video Games To Play With Your Girlfriend and The Top 8 Video Games For Halloween.
